Towards a new year ……. Resolutions for building resilience.

Christmas has gone.  Presents unwrapped. Memories left …..

“Oh!” “Isn’t it what you wanted?” he says, waiting for her answer.  The dart is thrown. She understands the message. She gets the point. She feels the sting of emotional pain as she wrestles with an appropriate response.

Of course it’s not what she wanted.  He asked her beforehand, when they were out shopping – “Show me exactly what you want for Christmas” he entreated, though she didn’t want to.  She knew the web was being woven.  “Ah! This shop, those earrings” he studied them intently.  “Ok.” She felt a vague unease, a twinge of anxiety.  Not a good feeling.

“They’d changed the window display”  “The shop assistant said they’d had a run on the ones you wanted”  A different shop.  In a different city.  She knew. He told her to read the address on the box.  “I can’t take them back.  They’re earrings.”

She said not a word.  She knew that she was in a potentially dangerous situation.  He had set his target up and behind the straight face – no smiles – he was waiting for her response the way a hunter waits for his prey to move before striking.

She looked at the earrings and a strange thing happened.  Her brain seemed to short circuit.  Her thoughts went dead as she gave herself to the memory of him throwing a cup of hot tea into her face when presented with earrings early on, 14 years ago.  Her stomach knotted and her brow creased into a worried frown as she literally did not know how to respond.  She felt trapped.  He waited.  “I liked them” he persisted. Waiting.  Like the wolf in Red Riding Hood.

She handed him a present.  “Here you are!”  She beamed too brightly, “Open this one – it’s special – bet you can’t guess what it is!”

The narcissist inside him could not resist the offer and he accepted the carefully wrapped gift eagerly. “Ah! this is great!”  The moment passed.  The web broken. She escaped.  For now.

As New Year approaches, she wants to make a couple of resolutions.  She almost lost her spirit this year.  Something has to change for something to change or she will lose herself.

He’s on his way back from visiting his children. He tells another lie – blatant, challenging her to retort, to acknowledge.  Then he will pour foul verbal abuse upon her and wish that he never had to return.  She knows the script.

Change – “Ok.” she says lightly.  “See you when you return” And she closes the conversation.  No point in getting into the lie’s narrative. She has decided for the New Year to employ a cutting off philosophy.

If she can disconnect from his schemes, e.g  unprovoked rage, terrible verbal abuse, lies, stonewalling, projection, – See them for what they are – traps, she can start to reclaim her battered emotions.

She has a vision.  Toxic people left behind in their toxic world.  She is walking towards a peaceful path.  She has done as much as she can, her conscience is completely clear.

She will hold onto the vision and make it her New Year resolution for 2017.

Peace, health, contentment, a positive attitude inside and out, and ……no one’s fool.