Is alone a place or a feeling? It is possible to be on your own and feel perfectly at peace. Likewise I guess we’ve all been in the middle of a party or a group of people ‘having a great time!’ and felt like the loneliest person in the world – as though we are inside a bubble and all the fun is happening around us – on the outside. We are separated from the group. Alone.
Social media can make you feel invisible. Particularly when the one who is your partner – never acknowledges you. Every photo, post, comment is about them. Single. You are not mentioned. You do not exist. You are invisible. You become lonely. You feel outside. You feel stigmatised. You feel as though the party is happening and you are not invited. You feel lonely. Lonely becomes a void, a heart yearning that is not filled. There is nothing you can do to be included. You have to accept or walk away. But you are too tired to leave. It will involve too much energy – and you don’t have so much left anymore.
So you retreat to Lonely island. You learn to accept that you are not included. You stop looking for respect. You lower your eyes and keep your mouth shut. You become a shadow. A nobody. You try to keep positive. You smile a big broad smile to the world. But behind the smile you are crumbling. Your heart is raw. Sore. You want to retaliate but you don’t know how to. You ‘re just not built like that.
Maybe that’s why you were chosen by the lonely maker partner. Maybe he feels greater because of your nothingness. Maybe he feels better about himself, that he has so many adventures and friends and he’s so witty and dry humoured – oh he is loved.
And you keep yourself from falling into the void of despair by clinging onto hope that one day you will be free. How that will happen? You haven’t figured out yet. But one day this caged bird will fly again.